I have a very specific morning routine. Once I’m done with my morning ablutions and the inevitable cat chaos, I sit down to catch up with current events.
It has to be done in a particular order every time. I won’t bore you with all the details. It boils down to this: I start with the official narratives being pushed by the legacy media sites and end on the conspiracy forums. Somewhere in between those two extremes, I get a glimpse of what’s happening in the world.
I’ve written about my bubble before and how I need to enter it from time to time to withdraw and regroup. When the real world gets too much. Well, recent events are making me think I might need something a lot more substantial to shelter in!
And by ‘substantial’, I don’t mean a make-shift bunker on the allotment. I’m talking full-on, moving to a remote island and becoming fully self-sufficient. Because looking at the news this week, I can’t help but think the line between the tin-foil-hat brigade and official government press releases is becoming increasingly blurry.
Don’t believe me? Here’s a quick roundup.
The UK Government has launched the ‘Be Ready’ campaign, which is a very British way of telling everyone to prepare for a ‘Black Sky’ event. For the uninitiated, ‘Black Sky’ isn’t the name of an edgy, new Edinburgh Fringe play; it’s civil protection jargon for a massive cyberattack or grid failure that knocks out the power, the internet and wireless payments all at once. The BBC has even dusted off a contingency plan to broadcast public safety messages via FM radio from a secret bunker. So yeah, we’re going full 1980’s Cold War retro. Better go find that battery-powered radio in the loft, assuming the damp hasn’t claimed it yet.
And it’s not just Brits being told to hoard tinned food like manic squirrels. According to recent global tracking, over 33 countries are now advising citizens to stock up on emergency kits. The UK, France and the Netherlands want you to have 72 hours’ worth of water and tinned mackerel. The Germans recommend a mathematically precise 10 days of rations. I suppose the silver lining to the inevitable apocalypse is that we’ll finally get through those dusty tins of chickpeas hiding at the back of the cupboard since 2002!
But why the sudden push towards prepping? Let’s take a look at what’s been happening out there recently, in the ‘real’ world for clues…
First, we had the European cold chain hacks. Cyber-terrorists hacked the internet-connected fridges and freezers in hundreds of supermarkets across France, Belgium, Sweden and Ireland. They remotely cranked the temperatures up to 50°C overnight. Millions of euros of goods were utterly ruined. French prosecutors are officially pointing the finger at Iranian state-backed hackers. I couldn’t make this up! We’re living in a reality where rogue nation-states are actively trying to defrost our supermarket pizzas!
But, if you fancy escaping the chaos by going on a nice, relaxing holiday, think again. European aviation has been thrown into complete turmoil by a massive, seemingly coordinated campaign of hoax bomb threats disrupting dozens of flights. Ryanair, Aer Lingus, and easyJet flights have been forced into emergency landings or escorted by military fighter jets across European airspace because of malicious emails and calls. Security analysts think it’s a form of hybrid warfare designed purely to make us all collective nervous wrecks.
So, what do we do? Do we actually buy a one-way ferry ticket to a remote Hebridean island, invest in a flock of uncooperative sheep and spend our afternoons trying to generate electricity from a homemade wind turbine?
As tempting as it sounds to entirely opt out of the 21st century, I’m not quite ready to trade my morning coffee for foraged wild nettle tea.
Instead of spiralling into existential dread, let’s look at the silver lining. Preparing for a rainy day isn’t weird anymore; it’s officially mainstream! And honestly, a little bit of old-school resilience is never a bad thing. It connects us to our grandparents who kept a well-stocked larder and a box of matches in the drawer without batting an eyelid.
We don’t need to build a concrete bunker in the back garden. We just need a dash of practical optimism. Here is my common-sense guide to staying sane in this increasingly crazy world:
- 📻 Embrace the Retro Audio: Go on, rummage through the loft and find that old battery-powered or wind-up FM radio. Test it. If the damp has claimed it, replace it with a cheap new one.
- 🏬 The Comfort Cupboard: Let’s ditch the panic-buying mentality and rebrand this as an exercise in old-school kitchen resilience. Next time you do the weekly shop, quietly grab a couple of extra tins – think robust staples not just tinned mackerel, baked beans, or those infamous chickpeas. It’s not an apocalypse stash; it’s a “peace of mind” pantry buffer that ensures you’re never entirely at the mercy of the logistics chain.
- 💷 The Cash Stash: Tuck a few notes somewhere safe. If a cyber-terrorist decides to fry the local supermarket card reader, you can still walk into the corner shop, hand over a real piece of paper and walk out with milk and a packet of biscuits.
- 🐱 Cultivate the “Cat Chaos”: Lean into the things that anchor you. For me, it’s my demanding felines. If the grid goes dark, the cats won’t care. They’ll still want breakfast at 7 a.m. sharp. And honestly, that kind of stubborn, fluffy normalcy is exactly what keeps me grounded.
The world out there might be getting a bit weird and noisy, but we’re a resilient bunch. We can acknowledge the madness, laugh at the absurdity of state-sponsored pizza-defrosting and still sleep soundly knowing we’ve got a torch with fresh batteries and a plan. I can’t help but feel there’s a bad moon rising…but, I know we’ll get through whatever comes next, together – even if we have to do it by candlelight while sharing cold tinned mackerel with our cats.
Stay alert, stay resilient and may your batteries outlast your oldest tin of chickpeas!
Citizen Jane x ✌️
Over to you: Have you started your “Be Ready” stash yet? More importantly, what is the single weirdest, oldest tin currently lurking at the back of your kitchen cupboard? Dust it off, take a photo and pop it in the comments below – bonus points if it expired before the turn of the millennium! 👇
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