The Generation X Files

When I started blogging I had a sort of vague idea/hope of finding a ‘community’. I had zero expectations and was fully prepared for it to go unnoticed. I thought if a single person reads even one of my posts from start to finish I’ll be happy. I know I can waffle on! That’s why I include the read time in my posts. That way, you can decide for yourself if you have time!

Not for the first time, my fellow humans have amazed me!

From the very first notification. When someone ‘liked’ my written meandering thoughts for the first time. Not only that, but went on to read them every day! Then on top of that, made a commitment by subscribing! A button click of acknowledgment between the two of us. A digital high-five that says we’re going to hang out for a little while. Get to know each other a little maybe.

To be honest, I’ve been blown away by this whole experience! The best thing about the interactions from my blog are the people who have somehow found me. Reading their blogs and learning a little more every day. And these are some incredible writers! It’s only been a few weeks but I’ve already been taken back to my childhood by some. Transported to zany, alien-packed planets by others. Some have just downright confused me! I love reading them all!

Even the other type of blogs. The uncomfortably truthful ones. The ones where I can’t bring myself to ‘like’ it at the bottom of the page. Because, to do so feels like I’m endorsing the pain behind those words on my screen. I just can’t find the right words to put in the comments box. It feels too simple to say, “I see you”. (But I do)

It’s the reason I started blogging in the first place. I wanted to make real human connections again. But not just fleeting ones like a Tweet on X (nope -that still sounds wrong!) but maybe the start of something…like a friendship. A little space on the internet where everyone is welcome. A grown up version of a ‘gang hut’ to hang out and have conversations about….everything. Hopefully, have some laughs. Listen to some tunes at the very least!

I assumed I’d be speaking to women – I am writing from a female perspective after all. But, from my interactions, the opposite is true. I mean I’m sure it doesn’t help that I’m dressed up as Darth Vader throughout my site! And maybe reading about Scottish freedom fighters isn’t your cup of tea!

But, if I’m honest, I’ve always found it easier to talk to men. Perhaps that’s who I’m speaking to when I’m writing and I just didn’t realise it. Maybe a little part of me was… hoping to?

When I was a kid I guess I was a ‘tomboy’. I was (very much) a girl but with a big group of boy friends. It was as simple as my grandparents moving to a neighbourhood where most of the kids my age were boys. I liked the same stuff as they did; superheroes, Star Wars, the A-team, games etc.

I could keep up with them on my BMX. I could hang upside down from a climbing frame. And that was all it took – the price of entry to the gang! We swapped comics and laughs in a tree-house. I was honoured because usually no girls were allowed!

I’ve had best friends that were girls but boys too. Each type of friendship brings different things with it. I just have more in common with men I think. I don’t know many other women who play medieval war games on Xbox. Or who understand why it matters to me that (although she’s beautiful) Gal Gadot will never be Wonder Woman. Because she has brown eyes!

Come to think of it, my favourite comedians, writers, directors, actors, artists are all men. And of course, some of the people in my real life as well!

I think that’s probably why I started to get so resentful towards phrases like ‘toxic masculinity’. Because I’ve met individuals who are toxic – both male and female.

I don’t think it’s fair. I think it’s already hard enough for boys and men as it is. It’s hardwired in our species to protect girls. We’re made of sugar and spice and all things nice….maybe that’s why nowadays I can only manage small amounts…..

It feels like every day for the last few years I’ve had to listen to women speaking on my behalf. I have to somehow make it make sense that to be a woman today means:

• Making money off men from OF. But, hating them for viewing and subscribing to it and treating them like a ‘pay pig’
• Choosing an actual BEAR (not like Paddington!) over a man if I get trapped in a forest
• Believing I’m a 10/10 regardless of what the mirror (or my personality) is reflecting
• Somehow believing that we could exist without men

Of course I’m being extreme with those examples. It’s just that even now, in the age of self-driving cars, a squeaky wheel still exists. And it still gets the most grease. I’m just a little tired of listening to it.

It’s easy to get caught up in all the division. Every day there’s new battle lines drawn. At times it feels like we’re all living in different worlds on the same planet. We’re constantly having to pick sides.

Well, I don’t want to any more.

I started this blog and I share my thoughts on how f’d up I find the world today. I want to see if other people feel like me I suppose. I think maybe we could try to make some sense of it together. See if it’s an age thing maybe or something else…

And in this quiet little corner of the internet, I’m already finding those very people! And reading their blogs has made me laugh, made me cry, made me laugh until I cry. But most of all, it’s made me cautiously….hopeful.

There’s some comfort in knowing some people are just as lost as I am. It’s like we’ve become a self preservation society borne out of struggling to survive any way that you can. We’ve never been more connected as a world but we’re becoming more socially awkward. It makes me wonder how we’re getting it so wrong.

I think we need to start reaching out to each other again and offering friendship instead of opinions. Talk and listen to each other, respectfully and kindly. Just chat and figure it out as we go.

I wanted to do that but I couldn’t think how to get started….

So I started a blog and it’s become that little space I was hoping for! I’m so happy that you found it! Get comfy and let’s get to know each other better! And if you like what you find here, please pass it on…

Citizen Jane x